It was a huge trip for me.  I was taking a vacation alone for the first time, and it was my first vacation as a single dad.  I found my new role both freeing and uncomfortable at the same time.  You see, being a single parent means you get to make all the decisions yourself but the other side is that you have to make all the decisions yourself; bed time, snacks, plans for the day, empty the dishwasher, clean the toilets, paint the living room, pick up the play room, grocery shopping… you get the idea, ALL the decisions.

It was the night before I was leaving for Belize and my big trip when I was cleaning the kids toys up after they went to sleep, and I smoothly stepped on a plastic house and cut the big toe on my left foot wide open.  Two things quickly went through my mind as I hobbled to the bathtub to clean my cut and elevate my foot, “First, that is going to require stitches and secondly, no one in their right mind would go to a beach in a third world country with an open wound like that, especially on your foot.”  Frustration and disappointment would be an understatement to describe that split second as the thoughts and feelings raced through my mind.  I called my ex wife to arrange for her to get the kids and after she arrived I drove to the emergency room for stitches.  I changed my reservations the next day and was on my way about two weeks later with a healing toe and ambitions for a great beach trip with great food, culture, views, and alone time.

I arrived on Ambergris Key and made my way to my hotel on the beach.  I got my bag to my room and quickly put on my swim suit to head to the beach.  The first thing I wanted to do was get in the water.  Now the islands off the coast of Belize are protected by the second largest coral reef in the world.  There are no huge crashing waves along the beach, and the water is more like a bay with plant life close to the waters edge and docks that extend out into the calm waters.  I walked out the closest pier where local kids were jumping in the water and having a general good time.  I asked how deep the water was but my spanish did not seem to get the idea across, and they just commented, ‘okay to jump.’  I jumped in and quickly wished I had spent more time in my undergraduate spanish class to learn to learn the word for ‘depth.’  I jumped in and found the 3 foot deep water inadequate for a grown man and promptly twisted my ankle on the opposing foot from my healing toe.  I had some serious questions about my luck as I cursed under my breath and limped back to my hotel near by.  I still remember exactly where I was on the landing of stairs between the first and second floors at the Banana Beach Resort [honest, thats the name of the place] when I thought to myself one of the lessons from my little league years as a not so stellar right fielder and my coaches mantra any time something hurt or got twisted, “walk it off.”  I paused and wondered silently if there was a parallel in the internal realm of mental health.  It hit me like the bottom of the ocean had done just a few minutes before, WALK IT OFF… if somethings hurts use it until it doesn’t hurt.  It was at that moment that I took an active decision to apply this lesson from my coach from West University Little League and apply it to my life as a grown man, a Dad, and a psychotherapist.  IF SOMETHING HURTS THEN USE IT UNTIL IT DOESN’T.  I was blown away as I came to see and address the difficulties in my life as the greatest source of healing in my life; all of the sudden the things that were most intimidating and perceived as even too difficult to talk about at times were the most healing.  As an individual, I found it freeing to go directly to a problem or concern; it did not automatically resolve the conflict or issue, but it surely removed the perceived intimidation and usually began the process of resolution.  As a dad, I found it much easier to address the real concern rather than dance around the situational symptoms as a single parent, co parent, and father to 2 kids.  As a therapist, I found it allowed my clients the freedom to directly address the concern or issue; as I pointed out the root issue or poked around until we could identify the keystone and it began the process of their own ability to do the same.

When you find something hurts, walk it off.  You might be surprised at the result….